Losing my two youngest cats… It’s something I’m finding I’m a bit ambivalent about. They did add a LOT of hassle to my life, besides spraying in just about every room of the house at one time or another. They kept me awake when I needed to sleep, forced me to keep the door closed to my office/dungeon while I worked, had to look for them to bring them inside for the night, clean up their hair all over the carpet…
But I did love them terribly. No matter where I was in the house, one of them would be there with me -just to be with me. So now just being at home reminds me of those two brothers. I open doors and expect to see them on the other side ready to run inside for some food and water for the next adventure.
Yesterday was a little better than Sunday and I’d like to say I’m doing better today than that. I feel bad just laughing or joking right now. I feel like it’s wrong to be happy in the midst of this. I get the occasional wave of sadness come over me -usually when someone asks me how I’m doing or what happened. So naturally I don’t want to see anyone right now -and I know that’s just not healthy but I just don’t like the idea of willingly making myself cry; I can do that very well on my own thank you.
I’m sure time will heal -and it already seems to have done SOME healing. I know I will again be my normal happy, crazy, perverted self but right now that seems so far away from me.